Overcoming self-doubt
High-performing individuals also doubt so, how do they achieve greatness?
I believe that knowledge is only of value when shared so let me share a few tips and help you navigate through some of the details that many people leave out.
Self-Doubt is not about gender, it is not about qualifications or IQ, and it is not about money. It is about your belief system and the tools you use to get you where you want to be. Yes, that’s right – your belief system and how you learn to manage it.
Various things have shaped and still continue to shape us in life: external messages, our internal dialogue, plus our drive to succeed. All of these things work together to either support us or to raise doubt. Whilst we are able to navigate our way through things (life, work, tasks, events or even presentations) that nudge or voice sometimes rises internally. I get it – so do the rest of us.
Yes, that is right – the rest of us. Nobody will ever say that they have never doubted or second-guessed themselves. So, why is it that some high-performing individuals believe they are not good enough or that something is wrong with them?
Have I hit the cord? Yes – I know it because I have been there too, like so many others before me.
I Mentor and Coach high-performing people and high-performing teams and I can share that they feel like you so let’s demystify some things.
You don’t need to know it all
Who seriously knows it all? Nobody. What is more important is why do you feel you need to know it all? Life as a whole is about the endless journey of learning and having the ability to enhance the perception of what we thought we knew to what we know today (just that little bit more).
We can’t possibly understand all sides to any situation because we have not lived or experienced things from every perspective. Yes, it is that simple.
Whilst some mathematical equations may be absolute, life, knowledge and the way in which we may use these formulas will vary leading to a potentially different outcome. So, there are no absolutes in life but yet we seem to think that we need to know it all and we need to be perfect!
What is even more important is that nobody wants you to know everything – they want to contribute too.
Nobody expects you to know everything, they value what you do know and what you can contribute.
Here is the thing with high performance: It is up to each individual to show others how they can do it too. It is what gets me up each day, knowing that if I can share that little bit more with someone else, they too will know what I know and that will create a ripple effect.
An inside tip: People who perform at high levels surround themselves with other high-performers. They invest in others and lift them along the way.
They accept that they will not know it all, yes they know a lot, but as they recognise that there are gaps, they reach out and call on others to lift them up too.
I can share more on this and do so in my programs, but let’s look at some tips, tools and skills to help yourself today.
How do you hear feedback?
I often talk and present on this topic: listening is about understanding, not about creating a response to what you hear. So take a moment to really take on board what I am saying.
Have you ever taken the opportunity to reflect on the way you respond to the same question when asked by different people? This is a really important exercise as it allows you to see what triggers occur for you in different situations that lead you to hear the same message differently.
When you place yourself in a position of doubt, your interpretation of the message you hear will be different to when you are in a positive frame of mind. Do you want to test it? Here is a simple way to give it a try? Ask someone that you know and trust to give you some feedback that they may have held back in sharing with you because they did not want to upset you. Ask a peer or someone you see as a competitor the same question.
What was different? What impact did it have on you?
Take a moment to really reflect on how you received that message. What is with good intentions so that you may be able to improve your current self in both instances?
The key here is not really about how you feel but about what is happening internally and how to shape a better framework so that you do hear it so that you can create the changes that you want. It is not highlighting a failure or a “lack of” anything because you are still smart, a high performer, a high achiever etc. Nothing has changed so don’t let your dialogue frame your perception of who you are.
Stepping away from obstacles or challenges
Edison said “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
We often talk about working to our strengths. I agree with this because usually, our strengths are what we love to do. But that does not mean that we stay within the confines of our strengths or what we find easy. Part of being a high-performing individual is to know how to stretch yourself and to do that consistently.
Yes, you can be the subject matter expert, but knowing that little bit more about something else that either interests you or that is outside your comfort zone is a great stretch. Nobody will see you with different lenses when you sit in that space as a novice who asks questions.
Recognising why you choose to accept or decline things is the first step. Acknowledging if something is holding you back is the second.
In instances where you hold back, ask yourself is it fear of failure or fear of being seen outside of your “Subject Matter Expert” self? What is it that holds you back?
In these instances, recognise my first point again and accept that obstacles or challenges are an opportunity to bring someone else on the journey with you. Finding a new path through difficult situations enables us to grow, but it gives us an opportunity to reach out to someone else who may be able to help, or perhaps an opportunity to collaborate and discover or break through a barrier together.
Competitor or collaborator
Remember the power and value in lifting others as you rise? When we surround ourselves with like-minded people we have the opportunity to keep rising, but it is not about the competition to rise above. High performers always look at their competition as collaborators to lift them and others around them.
Here is the real value: when you stop thinking about what others can or will do and focus on what you can achieve, you will succeed. It is irrelevant what others do because your success is driven by you and what you chose to focus on.
You have limited energy every day, make a choice on how you want to use it. You can burn into it by focusing on what others are doing or you can fuel your passion and drive to keep steering you forward and showing others how they too can rise.
You gain strength, insight, and greater knowledge through collaboration. When you do that with those who may be your competitors you will be stretched. Don’t allow any of the earlier points to stop you.
Saying no and setting clear boundaries
Most people think that saying no it is a sign of weakness or that you don’t want to help. Reflect on what I have shared so far, and be clear about what you want to do and what you want to achieve. You now have the ability to THINK LIMITLESSLY.
How do these connect?
Being a high performer as we know is about stretching yourself and being consistent knowing you don’t need to know it all so, what is keeping you back?
You now have awareness and knowledge on your side to be conscious of the choices you make.
I have a limitless belief; I know what I will work towards and I know who I want to bring on that journey with me. This allows me to set clear boundaries, and say no.
Why? Because I know what I want to be a part of and what I don’t. This clear vision enables me to define what I want. This applies if you are self-employed, have / or want a side hustle, or if you are an employee. Here is what nobody shares with you as they climb the corporate ladder, grow a business or win a race: focus and consistency include knowing when to say NO and having clear boundaries.
A very simple step with this is to ask some simple questions.
Does it align with my values?
Does it support me in what I want to achieve?
Does it bring me pleasure? Not everything is about getting results you need to have joy in your life and in the work that you do.
Stepping forward or rather leaping forward
There are several other tips, skills, and tools that I work on in my programs but this is about you placing a line in the sand and stepping over it with a new beginning.
Take the time to identify WHAT you want – Really understand what you want to achieve and set a date to get there.
Nothing of what I have shared is difficult, but you need to want it.
You need to want it for yourself, for your team, or for your business and you need to take the first step.
Things can’t change from the same behaviours and patterns.
Things won’t change from thinking the same way.
Who I work with:
1) Individuals and teams that share my Values
2) Individuals and teams that want to elevate their performance and outlook.
3) Individuals and teams who recognise that doing it alone takes you only part of the way.
4) Individuals and teams who don’t allow fear and doubt to hold them back.
5) Individuals and teams that are prepared to restart with a new lens and a new strategy for success