How to raise a confident child
Confidence is the greatest gift a parent can give their child
As adults we all have stories to share on how didn’t try things or didn’t feel like we could say what we felt, so don’t let that be the pattern that is passed onto your child.
I talk across the Globe about the attachment we have to failure and fear, how we have been raised to have these two words in the same sentence despite it being the most hindering thing to each of us and to innovation. Yet, we continue to follow the same path so let’s break the cycle and give our children, the future generation, the opportunity to do things differently by instead encouraging them to fail and to learn from it.
The lessons in failing stimulate creativity. Whilst it may mean that something takes a little longer, the long-term impact will be far greater. What is achieved is usually something that had never even been considered in the first place.
We want to show our children there is no fear that comes from failure, only learnings. There is no disappointment only support for trying something new to discover what might be. It is through this interaction that they can find a solution that is yet to be considered let alone discovered.
Discouragement and fear are to be separated from failure
As a parent, a leader, a person of influence, it is your responsibility to encourage and support any attempt to embrace a difficult task, no matter the outcome.
Below are some tips to build confidence within your child:
Appreciate the behaviour,
Appreciate the journey, don’t focus on the outcome
Recognise the consistency in attempting challenging situations
Encourage the practices of trying again despite the outcome
Allow them to navigate through options rather than giving them solutions
Encourage curiosity. If they are prepared to ask questions, afford them the time to share knowledge (not solutions)
Add to their challenges as this will also develop their critical thinking
Focus on what they have done well rather than their shortcomings. Ie focus on what they have – not what they don’t have yet so they will want to build on what they have rather than walking away
Acknowledge mistakes and errors as opportunities to build from. Apply the same focus as above– what has worked and build from there
Share lived experiences to show them how they can relate to what they are working toward
Encourage the art of collaboration over competition
Recognise adversity so that they can use this as a point of recall when the situations arise again. This shows them how they can respond from past experiences rather than react with the emotion of failure
Be prepared to hold boundaries so that they too can develop them for themselves
Help them identify WHY they are making the choices that they have so that they can begin to form their purpose in what they want for themselves
Navigate their actions and support them to identify why they have taken the steps that they have as these will lead them to better understand their own values and this will help them develop what is important as they navigate through life before they become an adult.
Confidence is important no matter what age you are, so as you look to support anyone around you know the impact you will be creating when you build confidence in those you influence and lead.
The value in knowing your purpose
Most people navigate through life and take steps to achieve what they see as the next step, however when you know the reason that you do what you do and that it is about something much bigger than you, your actions, your choices are far more impactful.
As our future generation becomes more aware of themselves, they too become more conscious of those around them, and of things across the Globe. They begin to question their purpose. They want to know how they can contribute, what they can do to create an impact? So, let’s be the light that shows them how, and gives them the opportunities in environments that stimulate these behaviours and encourage the practice.
The Alpha generation is already prepared to take global matters into their own hands. Why not equip them with what they need to bring about the changes? Purpose does not need to be discovered when you are in your 40’s, 50’s or even older. It can be as young as 12 when they are discovering who they are and who they want to be.
Mark Twain shares “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
Think about all the things you would possibly have done differently had you been aware of what your purpose in life was? The reality is we were not raised to think like that and, let’s face it, some people still aren’t there yet!
We are all stewards of this world yet, to date, we can arguably say we have not done a great job because we have placed ourselves and our personal needs ahead of what is important to us all. We only have one planet and we don’t seem to be able to collectively align in how we can protect it.
Our children see that part of their purpose is to take ownership of the changes that are needed across the globe because adults are not listening. They are developing some of the skills needed in great leadership, all we have to do is support them.
Our job now is to facilitate their passion to contribute and provide the environment that enlightens and elevates their thinking beyond self, to collaborate and to take measured risks to bring about innovation and change that can shape a better tomorrow. If we allow our children to explore the power that purpose brings to them they will be able to be stimulated and inspired to achieve things we can only dream of.
Why purpose creates impact
Knowing your purpose makes you distinctive. This is the magic that makes you tick. The thing that brings you joy and enables you to wake up every day knowing that what you have chosen to do will have an impact.
Purpose is not what you do, it’s how you do it and why. For children to be aware of this at a young age will change the trajectory in which they frame their minds and step into the world.
As adults, the strengths and passions you bring to the table, no matter who you are and what position you hold will make a difference and people will stop and listen. This is how we influence. People will recognise you in your unique way, so let’s create the path for our future generation.
Let’s promote uniqueness, and being different to our children and build a confidence in them that breaks the cycle of bullying. When they can see their contributions reach a higher purpose, and have confidence in who they are and what they are here to do, they gain inner strength and that confidence radiates out, making others want to be like them.
The clarity in who you are and who you want to be allows you to set goals
Purpose brings you clarity and identity. Through this, you are able to identify where you want to go. You can see that all the skills you want for yourself are the skills we can develop in our children. Building a road map is difficult for many adults, let alone children, so taking the path that we build from within by identifying values, and developing your purpose may seem random, but I know you are now beginning to see the impact of the structure from lived experiences rather than theory being taught.
Knowing your purpose in life allows you to create that vision and to influence others. This enables you to seek out collaborations and to formulate goals. It also allows you to formulate boundaries as you become aware of all the things you don’t want.
These steps allow a child to become a global leader, to stretch beyond family, friends, community and school. What greater feeling than belonging to something that is so much bigger than you?
What greater gift than to be able to create a journey for life that evolves as you evolve? To be able to have discussions of differences and innovate because you are no longer fearful of failure or being different!
Goals setting forms part of the process as you build on the skills that you are developing. Understanding the bigger picture starts the process and then you work towards short and long-term goals. Goals that are future-focused, inspiring and motivating and most importantly encouraging because they belong to something that is greater than them.